Detached from the world

I've already been a University student for 7 weeks, and I'm still trying to sink that fact in. Everything feels so surreal somehow. I always think back at the stuff that people (older people who have already been through this) used to tell me about how you would have crossed the most difficult part of your student life after you have graduated from JC. And then I look at the life I am leading now, and I realise that is SO wrong. Now, as a contrast to the past two years, I seem to be perpetually stuck in a vicious cycle of lagging behind lectures and tutorials, and sometimes I feel like I'm riding on a lazy cloud that's hovering above an expressway; a cloud that's driven by the wind (a breeze, specifically), and I'm just watching the vehicles move at high speed below me, rushing, speeding, dashing and in a second they will be out of my sight. The breeze is like my intelligence, pushing me forward in this race, yet always so inadequate to catch up with the rest. And those vehicles are my peers, always so quick to finish what I can never seem to complete.

This week, I went through a total of four tests; short tests but a whole lot of content to absorb. I used to hate staying up late to study, and would at all costs put aside what I've not completed and go to sleep for long, long hours. But here's a start for me; staying up late consecutively every night and waking up really early in the mornings just to study because I know I simply lack the brains to do well without doing this. I don't know if it's just me, but it feels so much different, and so much more tough than the previous two years. The only time that seems sufficient for me is during the late nights. If I didn't sleep, I would gain so much more time to just catch up on everything and heave a luxurious sigh of relief. But that would be impractical, and it is my duty to protect this body of mine given to me by God.

I cannot say that I am confident I will do well for the four tests (as well as the test last week), rather I am sure I did not because I know I made a lot of mistakes since I did not have the time to study intensely enough, but I am actually still glad of the outcome, because it is already an amazing thing how things turned out regardless of the extreme lack of time I have on my hands, and I attribute this miracle to God. I was feeling devastated over the amount of mistakes I made for my Math paper just now, but when I thought back, I realise how small are these tests as compared to the life I am living right now. I would not have been alive here today if Jesus hadn't died on the cross for me. So why am I, still being so silly, chasing after the untouchable, uncatchable wind?