Cumulative Distribution

The slope is too steep, I'm falling.

The plateau at the top looks like paradise.

Is it really paradise?

My hands are losing their strength.

This is as far as I can go.

There I am, caught in a slope so steep and slippery.

Any instant I lose my foothold, I'll slide quickly backwards.

But hang on, the plateau is there.

It is within reach.

Hang on.

Communicate in a technical way

Communicating in a technical way defeats the essence of communicating because technical communication structures the formation of communication and greatly lessens the ease of communication and this means of communication cannot be appreciated to its fullest because communication barrier has been set up according to the boundaries and limitations set by technical communication by its fixed structure and layout of communication in every section.

This is technical communication.

Going NUTS

Going......

No telling what's gonna happen

Uncertainty fills the pool I swim in

Time is ticking away

Sighing is a sign of resignation

You are what you eat - I am a fish vege egg

I'm a fish - swimming is my favourite sport.

I'm a vege - I love green and I look green.

I'm an egg - Hard on the outside yet easily cracked.

Just a little crap like this makes my day.

Of Chemical Reaction Engineering

The New Lecturer

CRE is still as boring as ever.

Disturbing equations still overflow the pages of my lecture notes.

Weirdos like Chemical Engineers love such things.

Me not a weirdo; dislike such things; but a Chemical Engineer. Identity crisis.

Bored, studying CRE

CRE is so boring. I can't believe I'm studying this.

Of something that I cannot comprehend

I'm feeling very concerned over the morality of our fellow university students. It bothers me that people are willing to compromise moral principles for the sake of grades. I don't see the worth.

Imaginary Friend

When I was clearing out some stuff from my room today, I stumbled across a really really old diary of mine, dated back to when I was 9 (Pri 3). I had a few minutes looking through it, and I realised I used to have imaginary friends when I was that age. Apparently their names are Bobby and Patana, and I call for their help whenever I am confused or helpless. It's funny, because I don't at all have any recollection of imaginary friends when I was young and I would probably think that it was another person who wrote this diary if only the handwriting wasn't mine. It's scary how things just seem to disappear from your memory as time passes on. It's like whatever you do right now has the risk of vanishing into thin air in the future. Or maybe its a good thing sometimes because I won't want to remember my lousy exam results. haha.

Coming to the end of 2008

I was helping my friend do some music stuff yesterday night, and I realise that there are some things in life that you learn that you will never forget no matter how hard you try to shake them off. Then why oh why am I forgetting how chemicals flow in and out of the reactors and what on earth is nucleophilic substitution and nucleophilic addition and etc. I think my brain likes to take in information that are not related to my course and to sieve out information that are related to my course. Which is so annoying because yeah you know why.

About 5 more hours before my fate of dropping/not dropping one degree is sealed.

Plans for next semester

1. I want to be more diligent in my studies next sem. Think I wasn't adequately diligent this sem that explains my poor results in the tests and quizzes I had throughout the semester. Gonna spend less time online, and more time studying in school, instead of going back to hall and slack lol.

2. I think I kinda miss playing the clarinet. It's been really really long that I can't remember when was my last concert (I think it was March???). I think I shouldn't let these years of playing the clarinet go to waste. I think I want to join a band.

3. I want to be faithful in practising the guitar. Just picked up the instrument not too long ago and will be getting my own soon (like tomorrow haha). Trains my left hand which I realise is quite retarded sometimes.

4. I want to take up driving lessons, but most probably during the sem break after that.

5. I will TRY to read more Chinese stuff, and speak more Chinese.

6. =)

Another busy semester ahead.

Holidays!

Holidays has started for almost a week now! And I'm so happy! Not because it's the holidays, but because I feel my holidays this time has been spent so meaningfully! Every day I'm filled with joy, filled with new experiences, and no TV, comp games (well except maybe for facebook blehh addictive) which I realise brings no meaning to life. Sometimes I feel life is all about experiencing new things. There are so much to life that we can never finish discovering. So while we can, let us fill our short-lived lives with treasures, not of treasures that will fade away when we die (or before we die, like some robbers come and rob all your money while you're still alive muhahaha), but treasures that will continue to stay with our souls as we move on from our life on earth. Experience is valuable! Just hope that when I look back to this holidays in future, a smile will always be brought onto my face while I recall back to the memories of yesterday and see how much change it has done in my life.

And holidays is also shuang because I get ample sleep. Woah like finally.

Happy holidays to all having holidays now!! And meanwhile enjoy your time of having enough sleep everyday because let me assure you, it's gonna be short-lived~~^_^

A Perfectionistic Attitude

Now finally here's the end of the 1st semester of my life in NTU. 14 weeks have passed, so stealthily and so swiftly quick at the same time but I can't say they have all passed in vain. Many things have happened within these 14 weeks and I don't think if I listed them all out it would seem like everything happened just within 3 odd months.

But anyway, the semester's not exactly ended yet, what I meant previously was just about not having anymore lectures and tutorials, and I excluded the final examinations, which starts next wednesday for me.

Examinations are an exciting part of uni life. Ask me personally why if you believe me.

But examinations aren't the most important things in life. Neither are the little tests or common tests or quizzes or whatever you call them.

So I've always tried convincing the people around me (AND myself) about that. We shouldn't be having this perfectionistic attitude and try to get perfect results because we, as human beings, aren't perfect, and expecting perfection from yourself is only going to disappoint you. There is simply no point brooding over poor results (and of course you know the reason why) and that is a sign of being unable to accept your own weaknesses.

By perfect results, I don't mean 100%. If you're trying to achieve 100% for all your tests then I guess you're just sick. haha.

Perfectionists can't tolerate flaws. Realists accept them and if possible change them for the better. Are you a perfectionist or a realist?

Faith, Hope, Love

It suddenly struck me that I only have about 5 months of my teenage years left, and how am I going to make full use of these 5 special months of my life?

Another realisation struck me today during this nj band/S05/whatever gathering I had this afternoon. My life is so packed to the brim right now that sacrificing time for meeting up old friends is so hard. But I would never see it as a waste of time. It may not be very practical to have this mindset to value friends more than studies, but I really just can't help it. My friends out there whichever one of you is reading this, and whom I have not seen and chatted with for a long time, and no matter how deep our friendship may be, I really just want to tell you with sincerity that I still cherish this friendship of ours, and I am still interested in getting to know your life just because you are my friend. Sorry that I am not able to initiate any form of communication with you because double degree is too xiong, but if you ever need somebody to chat with, I am just a phonecall/msn/sms/email/snail mail/doorstep/tap on the shoulder/calling my name away, and I will definitely put down my stuff to listen to you willingly. So come talk to me okay!

Oh bother

AIG just had to get into this financial crisis in time for my professor to set a case study question of it for my final examination this coming November!

Okay I shouldn't have complained about that while there are people's lives out there affected by this untimely financial crisis.

It calls for a time to start picking up Time magazine, The Economist, Newsweek again, and I thought I never had to do this after I didn't take GP anymore.

Appreciation, jy! How will you ever truly grasp the essence of what you study if you don't even appreciate it?

Be as shrewd as snakes, yet as innocent as doves

1. There is a painful swelling at the back of my mouth. I don't know if it's the wisdom tooth or just an ulcer. If a wisdom tooth does somehow adds to you wisdom, then I would very much prefer the former. But if it needs to be plucked out then definitely otherwise please.

2. I don't know a single thing about F1, but I do know something about CH1004.

3. CH1004 is the module of the quiz I'm having tomorrow morning.

4. I finally caught up on 60% of my tutorials. Another 40% more to go, yay...

5. I'm still enjoying university life. =)

Detached from the world

I've already been a University student for 7 weeks, and I'm still trying to sink that fact in. Everything feels so surreal somehow. I always think back at the stuff that people (older people who have already been through this) used to tell me about how you would have crossed the most difficult part of your student life after you have graduated from JC. And then I look at the life I am leading now, and I realise that is SO wrong. Now, as a contrast to the past two years, I seem to be perpetually stuck in a vicious cycle of lagging behind lectures and tutorials, and sometimes I feel like I'm riding on a lazy cloud that's hovering above an expressway; a cloud that's driven by the wind (a breeze, specifically), and I'm just watching the vehicles move at high speed below me, rushing, speeding, dashing and in a second they will be out of my sight. The breeze is like my intelligence, pushing me forward in this race, yet always so inadequate to catch up with the rest. And those vehicles are my peers, always so quick to finish what I can never seem to complete.

This week, I went through a total of four tests; short tests but a whole lot of content to absorb. I used to hate staying up late to study, and would at all costs put aside what I've not completed and go to sleep for long, long hours. But here's a start for me; staying up late consecutively every night and waking up really early in the mornings just to study because I know I simply lack the brains to do well without doing this. I don't know if it's just me, but it feels so much different, and so much more tough than the previous two years. The only time that seems sufficient for me is during the late nights. If I didn't sleep, I would gain so much more time to just catch up on everything and heave a luxurious sigh of relief. But that would be impractical, and it is my duty to protect this body of mine given to me by God.

I cannot say that I am confident I will do well for the four tests (as well as the test last week), rather I am sure I did not because I know I made a lot of mistakes since I did not have the time to study intensely enough, but I am actually still glad of the outcome, because it is already an amazing thing how things turned out regardless of the extreme lack of time I have on my hands, and I attribute this miracle to God. I was feeling devastated over the amount of mistakes I made for my Math paper just now, but when I thought back, I realise how small are these tests as compared to the life I am living right now. I would not have been alive here today if Jesus hadn't died on the cross for me. So why am I, still being so silly, chasing after the untouchable, uncatchable wind?

Living in Hall

I just received an email from NTU and it is confirmed that I will be living in Hall 10, the furthest hall ever (other than 11) from the School of Chemical and Biomedical Engineering. Alamak!!

PSP

More and more people have PSP now....even the old auntie who stood in front of me in the MRT!!! =O

Growing Up

My life is so much more happening from now onwards.......camping consecutively this weekend and next week, but I never did regret the laidback life I chose during the previous few months. I know I get virtually 0 income compared to my friends...but it's okay, it's not like I'm in desperate need of money.

Yeah I only have a month of holidays left and I'm trying to prepare myself for the new life ahead. Unlike how I used to be, I actually joined so many orientation camps hoping to enhance my social life and get rid of my anti-social self, but I don't think it's really working. I'm still stuck hanging around with the same few familiar faces without enthusiasm in getting to know strangers. Maybe this anti-social part of me is just inborn and can't be removed.

Anyway I've just picked up Twilight, and I'm still trying to figure out why this book is so popular. Or maybe I've already grown out of the teenybopper phase....hurhurhur....I'M OLD!

Small Singapore

I guess it was just on impulse that I decided to sign up for the Inter-Uni orientation camp thingy organised by some I-can't-remember-the-name club, but it wasn't so bad as I'd expected. Because I had Guan Qun to accompany me in the OG. haha. Because it had been a great day with GQ and ZW. Because I had so many coincidences with my friends today that when I think back, I can't really believe it myself. I went to Boon Lay in the morning and I met Simin at the control station and she was on her way to Taiwan! Had a really fun and great chat with her :D Then when I was at the NTU medical centre I saw Su Ting who was also enrolling into NTU! Too bad we weren't able to chat more about our lovely idol Bernice Liu and other stuffs but I'm sure we'll have a chance in future :) And at Far East Plaza later in the afternoon, I saw Kuan Yee! Had just a brief chat about uni and she told me to enjoy my holidays as much as possible before uni starts :P That's what everyone's telling me, so yeah, I shall just take their advice...conveniently...

And I still can't get over the fact that I have another five years of school to go through. That's just...splendid...